Ok, so now I can't stop crying. My mom and sister just left after visiting for a few blissful days, and I'm bawling like a baby. I have been so good about putting on a brave face for the last 9 months, but going back to normal now that the family has come and gone and the hormones are raging, the mask is off and I'm a big, blubbering baby.
The visit was absolutely wonderful- don't get me wrong. They got in early afternoon on Wednesday, and we got some lunch, walked the mall and hung out a little at my place. I had busted my butt getting the duplex presentable, staying up till like 5 am the night before cleaning compulsively, so it was rewarding to show off all the hard work I've put into this place. It's not perfect, but I'm proud of it. They brought me a birthday present, too! A beautiful purple sewing box with all the fixings. I was so excited I made Ava a dress that night- though it was too small, and I initially forgot to leave openings for holes. I guess that's what I get for not using a pattern. Oh well- if at first you don't succeed...
Yesterday we had the doctor's appointment. At first, the nurse said they couldn't come in, but after I begged, pointing out that they had driven all the way from Chicago, they were able to stay for the first part of the appointment and hear the heartbeat. The look on their faces was well worth the wait. After they were ushered out, the doctor did the internal exam, and said I was 1 centimeter dialated, 70% effaced, and the baby was in position and ready to go. She also guesstimated that the baby is about 7 lbs! What this means, functionally, is that she's a-comin'.
Well, as soon as I told my mom all of this, the day became about ways to try to get me to go into labor while she was in town :) We visited the speech office, went shopping for nursing bras, and eventually wound up relaxing at their hotel for awhile while the boy worked out some issue with our car (long story). Once he had all of it sorted out, we met up and went for a hike at the nearby Lost River Cave. Sweaty and tired, we decided to refresh by grabbing a Starbucks (shaken iced tea lemonade for me!) and swimming at their hotel pool. The water felt wonderful with the baby, but then her mood took a turn. It was almost like she could sense the visit was coming to an end, and she started trying to push her way through my pelvic floor. Of course, while baby may have wanted to meet Grandma Nelson, my body wasn't quite ready for it, so all she succeeded in was making me uncomfortable. My mom was thoroughly amused, because all of her pushing resulted in her little butt being jutted out of my stomach. Funny in theory, perhaps- but not in practice!
Once the pains had subsided a bit, we all went to our places and got ready for dinner at the Outback. Not only was the food great, but it was nice to just kick back and relax together. As the night drew to a close, we were all a little reluctant to say goodbye, so my mom made it easier by proposing breakfast for this morning. While the boy had to work, I was glad to have one more chance to hang out before they returned for Chicago.
Unfortunately, we were all so wiped out from the past couple of days that we all overslept, and by the time everyone was ready to go, they needed to hit the road in order to avoid really bad traffic on the way back. They came over to say goodbye for a few minutes, and I kept the incoming tsunami of tears back as they headed out the door. I know that it was hard for my mom to begin with, and I didn't want to make things more difficult. As soon as the front door was closed, though... I lost it.
It's not that I regret moving down here, or the baby, or any of it. I love the man I'm with, I love this baby so much it hurts, and I'm proud of how much I've accomplished on my own. Still, it's not easy. I've been kind of anti-social by nature, and the end result has been keeping most people at arm's length. While sometimes this practice has been self-preservation, now I'm just very lonely, and very pregnant, and missing my family very, very much. If I wasn't ready to pop, I would just drive home at times like these for a few days or a week, but as it stands, I'm just kind of stranded and helpless. My mom laughed when I said I wanted to try to drive home with the baby over labor day weekend, but I was dead serious. All I know is something's gotta give before my sanity does.
I wish Ava were here.
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