Looking Forward, Looking Back

I'm in Texas right now, getting to know the boy's family a little bit better. The more time I spend here, the more I learn about him, and the stronger my love grows for him. He's just such a wonderful person, and his family is salt-of-the-earth. The support that we've received from everyone has been so fantastic, and I feel wonderful knowing that this little girl is going to have such a loving family, no matter what corner of the country she visits.
This emotion was recently juxtaposed with a blast from the past. One of my ex's (not a super significant one, just a few dates, but an ex, nonetheless) IMed me while I was watching the boy play video games with his brothers. He asked me what was going on, and it struck me that he probably had no clue what had been going on for what is today 34 weeks. So I replied, "Oh, nothing, just waiting for the baby to arrive."

Pause. A long one. Finally, he chimed back in.

"Oh."

After what seemed like another long stretch of time, he asked how far along I was, and then suddenly had to go. I couldn't help but laugh, because I knew that he was inwardly breathing an irrational sigh of relief, thinking, "I'm not with her."

Of course, we would never have wound up together, and both of us know that. We were about as compatible as oil and water. Still, I'm on good terms with a few of my ex's still, and the conversation where I announced the pregnancy always goes about the same way- awkward pauses paired with retrospective relief. As ridiculous as this may seem, I understand it. I remember when a past interest of mine and his current girlfriend became pregnant. I had chuckled to myself, thinking that it could have been me. Funny, now it is.

Granted, that was in high school, and a positive pregnancy test would have been a disaster at that point. Now, it's a blessing, and I can't wait. When I look back though, especially when thinking about the wonderful guy I'm with now, I can't help but think about how lucky I am that the baby is coming at a time where I'm with the love of my life. Someone up there was looking out for me.

So yes, conversations with ex's are amusing. Yes, the relief on the receiving end of the news is palpable. But I gotta say, I'm just as relieved to have this delivery come right on time.