So, perhaps it's the hormones, or the research, or maybe I've just always been crazy, but I came close to lurching over several tables in class this morning to rip the larynx out of a sorority girl in my class. Let me set the scene.
A tall, skinny blonde (and yes, every female fitting this description becomes an immediate target for criticism as your body balloons, but this is beyond that), who we shall refer to as Natalia, flounces into the room with her obnoxiously colored bags and scarves and coat and pounces into her seat next to a similarly adorned sorority sister (We'll call her Mary) like a tiger who jumps gleefully on already wounded prey.
N: Omigod, omigod, omigod... guess what?!?!
M: Um-
N: No, don't guess. Ok, so, you know Anna from Phi Mu?
M: Um-
N: The homely chick who was with whats-his-face for forever and a day and is now with that one Kappa Sig, Jeremy?
M: Yeah, ok, I-
N: Anyways, so like, I know they moved in together real quick, and even so, it's only been like four months that they've been living together, but guess what?
M: Um-
N: I'll just tell you- She's PREGNANT! Omigod, omigod, can you believe it?! Like six months, too! How SCANDALOUS! I bet you she hasn't even told her parents. I can't believe it.
M: Wow, I-
N: I know, right? I'm totally going to call her out after this class. We always meet up in this group, and like, I'm going to be like, whoa, by the way, CONGRATULATIONS, MOM! She's going to totally, like, flip!
Enter me. Rageful. Seething. Wanting to pull her overly bleached extensions out of her self-righteous head. I mean- REALLY? Oh sweetheart, it's people like you that make unexpected pregnancies so difficult, and my speech so important. I think it's a bunch of crap.
Think about it. Pregnancy is not easy, but who says that for this girl, it's scandalous? She could be excited and anxious, and people like this Natalia chick make it difficult to stay positive, because her approach entrenches the assumption that pregnancy, unexpected and out of wedlock, CANNOT possibly be a good thing. Support is what is called for- not judgment.
Moreover, calling her out?!?! I'm sorry, but this is NOT your news to tell. Moreover, given Natalia's already established negative outlook on the situation, she's only going to make judgment more pervasive for this struggling young woman.
I am a firm believer in controlling perception. That's part of why I'm giving this speech, and it's part of why this blog exists. I want people to realize that whether or not it's on the timetable that a woman had in mind, and whether it's in or out of wedlock, decisions regarding pregnancy are tremendously personal, and require a lot soul searching. What I want people to realize is that, at the end of such a search, it is possible that some individuals view the pregnancy as a blessing. It is not up to an outsider to make that determination for them.
This is my request of you. I am asking- no, begging- that if one of your friends, family members, or loved ones announces that they are pregnant, you allow them to tell you how they feel about it. This is an immensely sensitive time, and they need your support- not your opinion. Share love, not prescriptions for a life that isn't yours.
Rant? Perhaps. But someone needs to say it.
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