If you don't have anything nice to say, pt. 2

So, I'm aware that posting twice in one day is pretty lame, but I'm running out of steam to clean and fired up over that dumb pregnancy forum scuffle. Oi vey. I do sound like a desperate housewife, huh?

In any case, if you've been reading, you know I let some old biddies have it on a pregnancy forum I frequent from time to time. I guess that's not fair- how about inconsiderate biddies? Anyways, the initial responses were kind of a scrambled type of defense, but they soon realized that they weren't making a whole lot of sense so the situation fizzled out with the a member proposing that we all just let it go. Her proposal stood strong for several days, but then the calvary rode in. Three or four other women got on talking about how much they agreed, and how ridiculous these other women were. One of the mean ones got on and said something about it being a matter of opinion and how dare we try to suppress their opinions with ours, etc., etc. One of her friends got back on shortly thereafter, talking about how sick she and others are of hearing about stupid 15 year olds who will never learn unless a hard line is taken.

Well, as you can imagine, this got my blood boiling a little bit. I pointed out that these may all be opinions, but that the validity of an opinion can be weighed via warrants and evidence, of which some of these women had none. I also pointed out that there was no need to respond to the 15 year old girls who likely had no real knowledge of birth control to begin with if they can't keep their comments civil. Moreover, before they feel the need to dole out judgment, they should take into consideration that their comments have just as much validity as allegations that pregnancy past a certain age are irresponsible because of the risk of birth defects, or arguments that say having more than x amount of kids are irresponsible. If they wouldn't like being the target of comments like that, then perhaps they should keep their mouths shut.

It turns out that the original poster in this whole mess has been through much more than any of us originally knew, and the more recent posts responding to her situation have been far more kindly and patient. Some of these women being understanding now are the same ones that were originally so dismissive. Maybe I got through to a few of them.

You know, my sister routinely chides me for trying to save the world. I don't think I do. I just get really pissed when people pick on others who don't really have the ability to fight back. Some of these cruel posters will never change their ways, and I know I'm wasting my energy talking to them, but if this poor 17 year old girl gains a little comfort from knowing someone is in her corner, it's worth it. I'm no saint, I can't save the world, but I can try to make it a little better, right?

Happy Little Housewife

I am in hardcore nesting mode. However, I'm having a problem deciding whether this is due to the impending arrival of my daughter, or the impending arrival of my mom. That's right, the original Mama Nelson is coming to town on Wednesday. I know for some people, parents spell out judgment day, and at one time, I'd probably have agreed, but now... I can't wait to see my mom. Realistically, there is little she's actually going to DO, but I want to show her the new place, the baby's room, the place I'm delivering at, etc. It will be nice to hang out with her, especially since I don't really have any girlfriends around here.

But anyways- back to nesting, since it's all I can think about anyways. I really want this baby to come into a home... not a work in progress. So all the "progress" that I've been putting off (read: work) is now all-consuming. Yesterday I organized the hallway closet, hung mirrors and picture frames, decided I didn't like what was in one of the frames and painted a new picture to go in it, wiped down walls, did dishes, painted wall hangings for Ava's room, etc., etc. It already looks much more home-y, but I'm far from done. My To Do list is 2 pages long, and it will likely grow as time goes on. Perhaps this is not so out of character though... I always have a never-ending To Do list...

I did make the boy his own To Do list yesterday, but it's what to do in case of labor! It's likely the pain will make me more of a control freak than ever, allowing me to complete the majority of the necessary tasks myself, but in the event that I am so incapacitated, he has everyone's phone numbers and the locations of important information and items (maternity bag, diaper bag, etc.), so there will be no excuses :) Well I mean, there will be, he'll be about to be a father and most likely losing his mind, but we'll make it. He's been really cute lately- just walking into the baby's room and rocking in the glider. He talks to her more too; it's adorable!!

Well, time to go continue refining the nest. Hope Ava likes it!

Mental Fireworks

So I know most people get that super strong, nearly magnetic draw to family around times like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but for me, it's the fourth of July. It may be due to old memories. Every fourth of July, my dad would acquire some kind of illegal explosive to amuse the kids with and scare the hell out of my mom with, and we'd run around like banshees until late in the evening. Some of my more humorous childhood experiences revolve around this holiday, so it's no surprise I'm nostalgic.

It's not just nostalgia, though. It seems like everyone is staged for a family polaroid right about now. Perusing the Facebook feeds, I see pictures from parades and weddings and the whole shebang just makes me feel giddy. Don't get me wrong, I'm kind of glad Ava isn't here yet- I have a feeling the fireworks would make for a very looonnnng evening indeed- but it does make me look forward to her arrival even more. Next year, it will be us posing at the local parades, smiling behind large sunglasses and eating the Cracker Jacks that my Grandma Schmitt insisted on for every parade. It will be us cooking out while she splashes in a wading pool with her dad, and finds wonder in the sparks flying out of the end of a multicolored stick that will make my heart freeze in worry as her hand reaches out to grab its luminosity. It will be us standing by anxiously to see if fireworks delight or instill fright in our little one.

I guess I'm just in a good mood today. Not gonna knock that, though.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared witless. I think most women who are my age, unmarried, still in school, etc., would have a similar reaction. I was petrified that my family would reject me and that I would face harsh criticism from friends. Now, suffice to say, as evidenced by my prior posts, I faced no such rejection. However, I still remember the chilling uncertainty that laid before me.

It was at this time that I started turning to online forums to get some basic advice and information. I had no insurance aside from my parents', and I was wondering if prenatal care was a necessity, or really just a common practice that had grown out of cautious ways. I learned very quickly that prenatal care was very necessary, especially given the health complications I was facing. Some people were very sweet in their replies to my queries; others called me selfish for even considering an alternate route to the delivery date. I didn't post on those sites for much longer.

However, an abundance of time and concerns about the impending labor have drawn me back to these sites. Many of the posts are totally innocuous, and the majority of the users are just looking for answers and to support one another. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
I stumbled across the case of a 17 year old girl. She had gotten pregnant and decided she couldn't keep the baby. She considered a surgical abortion, but was ultimately administered the pills for a medical abortion. She took the first one, and was given four more to take. She soon began to doubt her decision, and ultimately decided that she wanted to have the child. She did not take the rest of the pills. Her first post dealt with whether or not the child would have birth defects because of her initial reaction, and if there was any way to tell in advance. Sadly, she miscarried not long after.

Regardless of the circumstances, the loss of a desired child strikes me as a tragedy that I don't know I'd be strong enough to handle. I didn't think the girl was bright, by any means, but I understood her initial fear and felt for her loss. Her post at that point was heartfelt, as she lamented her judgment, and stood amazed by how much one could hurt over a child that they'd only known about for several weeks.

The first responses were condolences. Then started the attacks. Several women dismissed the sympathy, saying she didn't deserve any attention, she was just an immature child, and she had gotten an abortion. While many of the original respondents conveyed their continued support, the assailants continued to attack her character.

I was sick to my stomach over what I had read, but the straw that broke the camel's back came with the girl's 3rd thread. She stated that she and her boyfriend had had unprotected sex, and she wanted to know if she could be pregnant again so soon after miscarriage. Never in the post did she state or imply that she was interested in an abortion. The first response or two after her post told her that she could be, but that it was dangerous, and that she should be careful. Then the prior assailants reappeared. One slammed, "She's just a child. She shouldn't be having sex, let alone thinking about having a child herself."

That did it for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't really think the girl should be having a kid right now, either. However, I know that people probably thought/think the same thing about me. It is not my place, or anyone's, to judge, especially on an online forum where many girls without hope may turn to seek some guidance.

You may not think someone is mature enough to be having sex. You may not think they're ready for children. If they aren't asking for your opinion on the subject, though, then who are you to provide it so curtly? I just don't understand it. The condescending tone that these women took was appalling, especially because their comments were justified by self-righteous disclaimers about wanting to help and having wisdom via their age. I have no doubt that these women could be fountains of information. Unfortunately, nada one actually answered her questions about her body and the situation she was facing. How sad.

I made the decision that was right for me. I don't regret it for a second. I'm not naive, though; I know there are people who believe I chose unwisely, be it prior to or after conception. I was so lucky to be surrounded by enough loving people to write off the nay-sayers. I can only pray that this girl I stumbled across can find the same.

Stupid Doctors

So like I said, I'd had all of the pains coming inconsistently. Making things worse, there were a couple of symptoms that indicated my mucus plug had come out. I know that sounds gross, but it refers the build up of material at the base of the cervix to hold the baby and all that entails inside. So last night, concerned about the manifestation of stabbing pains originating at my belly button on top of everything else, I called labor and delivery.

The doctors told me what I had already figured- that until pain comes consistently, it isn't labor. Still, just wanted to be sure there weren't any complications. The nurse advised that I lay on my left side, drink a lot of water, and call my doctor in the morning to see what's up.

Well, I slept in until one, as I'm still on the boy's nocturnal sleep schedule, and then got up to go renew the registration on our car. I was going to call my doctor beforehand, but they were going to be out to lunch until 1:30, so I decided to do the errands first. Once I finally figured out where I was supposed to be, the line was so long and my back hurt so bad that I decided to screw it and head back. In the car, I called the doctor. The nurse who answered instructed me to go straight to Labor and Delivery, so I told her that they had told me not to the night before. She put me on hold, and my doctor got on the phone, curtly ordering me to go to the hospital right away. Great.

I was right by the hospital as it was, so I started to head over. Panic began to set in- I was SO not ready to have this baby! I kept trying to get a hold of the boy, but he wasn't picking up, so I had to text him. In the elevator on the way up to the appropriate wing, I was near tears. I kept thinking, I'm 21, pregnant, scared, and by myself- I can't be about to have a baby.

They hooked me up to all the machines and asked the typical battery of questions. The whole time I had to remind myself to keep breathing. I know it sounds absurd, but I felt like I was this impostor- like I was supposed to be screaming and bloody or not there at all.

After a little bit, the nurse informed me that I had developed an irritable uterus, which translates into a whole bunch of mini-contractions. So... not labor, but still painful. They had be drink Gatorade and sent me on my way. I'm dialated to one, meaning nothing is happening.

In other words, I wasted a whole bunch of time, and felt like a complete oaf. I had told myself I wouldn't be one of those women who cried wolf, and thanks to my doctor, I was in just such a position. Of course, now I'm in a whole lot more pain, but I don't want to make any more phone calls in case it just lands me back in that dumb hospital feeling like a moron. Great, right?

AGH.

Clock's a-ticking

So I know I haven't posted in awhile, and I apologize. For the record, Texas was fabulous. I was very happy to get to know the boy's family. The heat there is very humid, but preferable to the dry heat that is so pervasive in Kentucky. The drive back was pretty gruesome, but we did eventually make it. I still haven't recovered from the nocturnal way of life that the boy's house embraces. Granted, the baby doesn't really allow for a normal sleeping pattern to begin with, but I still feel like I'm simply pausing from running on the treadmill continuously each time I do catch a little bit of shut eye. I'd say I can't wait for the baby to arrive so I can get some rest, but that would make me an idiot, and despite a case of the pregnancy stupids, I'm not that dumb.

Actually, I'm just ready for her to arrive at this point. Braxton Hicks Contractions? They're supposed to be pressure- not pain. Unfortunately, Ava doesn't get that. I won't be in labor, but I'll totally be in pain, so much so that I'm pacing the hallways at night. I can't breathe regularly, despite the baby having dropped quite a bit. My back kills me, and I don't sleep for more than three hours at a time. I get dehydrated very quickly, and I can't do a thing most days. MISERY.

On a more positive note, when I got back from Texas, I went to the doctor, who said that everything looks good, my protein levels are where they need to be, I only gained two pounds in two weeks, and the baby is in the position she's supposed to be. Then she tells me I'm past due for an RH test (are we noticing that she fails to tell me about these important details? Kind of a trend...), so I had to go over to the hospital to get the test done and pre-register for delivery. The rooms look really nice, though I'm sure they'll be transformed in my nightmares to a version of hell once I experience the pain that accompanies a stay in one of them in real life. Still, it made it all that much more real. It's almost here....

Wait- IT'S ALMOST HERE. This realization kind of put me into a panic mode. Will I be a good mom? What if I screw her up? What if I make a mistake, and she gets hurt? Then I started to worry about the delivery itself. What if I'm too much of a wuss and I can't do it? What if the cord gets caught around her mouth? What if I die during delivery? I actually made the boy PROMISE he'd marry someone else so she'd have a mom if I did die. Can you say paranoid?

Now I'm just attempting to keep breathing. Four more weeks... four more weeks...

Looking Forward, Looking Back

I'm in Texas right now, getting to know the boy's family a little bit better. The more time I spend here, the more I learn about him, and the stronger my love grows for him. He's just such a wonderful person, and his family is salt-of-the-earth. The support that we've received from everyone has been so fantastic, and I feel wonderful knowing that this little girl is going to have such a loving family, no matter what corner of the country she visits.
This emotion was recently juxtaposed with a blast from the past. One of my ex's (not a super significant one, just a few dates, but an ex, nonetheless) IMed me while I was watching the boy play video games with his brothers. He asked me what was going on, and it struck me that he probably had no clue what had been going on for what is today 34 weeks. So I replied, "Oh, nothing, just waiting for the baby to arrive."

Pause. A long one. Finally, he chimed back in.

"Oh."

After what seemed like another long stretch of time, he asked how far along I was, and then suddenly had to go. I couldn't help but laugh, because I knew that he was inwardly breathing an irrational sigh of relief, thinking, "I'm not with her."

Of course, we would never have wound up together, and both of us know that. We were about as compatible as oil and water. Still, I'm on good terms with a few of my ex's still, and the conversation where I announced the pregnancy always goes about the same way- awkward pauses paired with retrospective relief. As ridiculous as this may seem, I understand it. I remember when a past interest of mine and his current girlfriend became pregnant. I had chuckled to myself, thinking that it could have been me. Funny, now it is.

Granted, that was in high school, and a positive pregnancy test would have been a disaster at that point. Now, it's a blessing, and I can't wait. When I look back though, especially when thinking about the wonderful guy I'm with now, I can't help but think about how lucky I am that the baby is coming at a time where I'm with the love of my life. Someone up there was looking out for me.

So yes, conversations with ex's are amusing. Yes, the relief on the receiving end of the news is palpable. But I gotta say, I'm just as relieved to have this delivery come right on time.