When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared witless. I think most women who are my age, unmarried, still in school, etc., would have a similar reaction. I was petrified that my family would reject me and that I would face harsh criticism from friends. Now, suffice to say, as evidenced by my prior posts, I faced no such rejection. However, I still remember the chilling uncertainty that laid before me.
It was at this time that I started turning to online forums to get some basic advice and information. I had no insurance aside from my parents', and I was wondering if prenatal care was a necessity, or really just a common practice that had grown out of cautious ways. I learned very quickly that prenatal care was very necessary, especially given the health complications I was facing. Some people were very sweet in their replies to my queries; others called me selfish for even considering an alternate route to the delivery date. I didn't post on those sites for much longer.
However, an abundance of time and concerns about the impending labor have drawn me back to these sites. Many of the posts are totally innocuous, and the majority of the users are just looking for answers and to support one another. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
I stumbled across the case of a 17 year old girl. She had gotten pregnant and decided she couldn't keep the baby. She considered a surgical abortion, but was ultimately administered the pills for a medical abortion. She took the first one, and was given four more to take. She soon began to doubt her decision, and ultimately decided that she wanted to have the child. She did not take the rest of the pills. Her first post dealt with whether or not the child would have birth defects because of her initial reaction, and if there was any way to tell in advance. Sadly, she miscarried not long after.
Regardless of the circumstances, the loss of a desired child strikes me as a tragedy that I don't know I'd be strong enough to handle. I didn't think the girl was bright, by any means, but I understood her initial fear and felt for her loss. Her post at that point was heartfelt, as she lamented her judgment, and stood amazed by how much one could hurt over a child that they'd only known about for several weeks.
The first responses were condolences. Then started the attacks. Several women dismissed the sympathy, saying she didn't deserve any attention, she was just an immature child, and she had gotten an abortion. While many of the original respondents conveyed their continued support, the assailants continued to attack her character.
I was sick to my stomach over what I had read, but the straw that broke the camel's back came with the girl's 3rd thread. She stated that she and her boyfriend had had unprotected sex, and she wanted to know if she could be pregnant again so soon after miscarriage. Never in the post did she state or imply that she was interested in an abortion. The first response or two after her post told her that she could be, but that it was dangerous, and that she should be careful. Then the prior assailants reappeared. One slammed, "She's just a child. She shouldn't be having sex, let alone thinking about having a child herself."
That did it for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't really think the girl should be having a kid right now, either. However, I know that people probably thought/think the same thing about me. It is not my place, or anyone's, to judge, especially on an online forum where many girls without hope may turn to seek some guidance.
You may not think someone is mature enough to be having sex. You may not think they're ready for children. If they aren't asking for your opinion on the subject, though, then who are you to provide it so curtly? I just don't understand it. The condescending tone that these women took was appalling, especially because their comments were justified by self-righteous disclaimers about wanting to help and having wisdom via their age. I have no doubt that these women could be fountains of information. Unfortunately, nada one actually answered her questions about her body and the situation she was facing. How sad.
I made the decision that was right for me. I don't regret it for a second. I'm not naive, though; I know there are people who believe I chose unwisely, be it prior to or after conception. I was so lucky to be surrounded by enough loving people to write off the nay-sayers. I can only pray that this girl I stumbled across can find the same.
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