Ava goes crazy

So... Ava is crazy. We are visiting family in Chicago as I begin a blitzkrieg marathon of wedding planning, and she just loves this exersaucer. What a goof. A cute one though!

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M ENGAGED!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's finally happened! For those of you who don't keep a close tab on the tap dance that has been the post-pregnancy proposal boogie, let me catch you up to speed...

Ok, so I, near our three year anniversary in November, began to wonder when something shiny would be making it's way on to my ring finger. I love Adam dearly, but after a month of hints and the subsequent oblivious head nods, I realized that subtlety would not be cutting it. I started to flat out say that the best Christmas present would be a proposal... to no avail. He said it would come sometime in January... and again in February... and I found myself close to giving up hope.

Finally, last weekend, I decided to make it crystal clear. I said, "I don't care if you marry me or leave me, but do it by next Friday!"

We both knew I wouldn't really leave, and he responded by chuckling and whining, "But Lauren, I'm just trying to find a romantic way to do it!"

Steam came out of my ears as I muttered, "Adam, you've waited too long. Romance is dead. I don't care if you throw it at my head, just do it! We'll make the wedding romantic."

I showed him exactly which rings he could choose from, but didn't hold out hope for him to deliver. A little bit of snooping led me to believe, several days later, that he had bought a ring, but I could never have anticipated the level of thoughtfulness and romance that he pulled out.

This afternoon, we went to our favorite restaurant- a romantic Mediterranean place calld "The Bistro." Despite my irritation with their new bread policy ($2 for 4 pieces after your first basket?!?!), the food was delicious and the company divine. Ava even stayed well behaved. Afterwards, we went for a drive down memory lane, becoming nostalgic over all we had experienced together after three and a half years. The drive stopped at the top of Western's hill, where we got out to enjoy the weather and go for a walk.

This may not sound like a big deal to some of you, but anyone who knows our background knows better. When Adam and I first got together, in the midst of a sordid storm that seems to have taken place a lifetime ago, I was the biggest insomniac. I would go for walks to the top of the hill at 2 and 3 in the morning. What started out as platonic concern for a freshman friend walking by herself evolved into romantic moonlit strolls that set the foundation for our entire relationship. Each walk would end with us sitting on the steps of Van Meter Hall, looking out over the hills of houses and streetlights below.

In front of Van Meter is where our walk stopped today as well. Adam stared grumpily at the construction blocking our access to the steps as we sidled over to a patio in front of the building that gave a similarly lovely view. After showing Ava the sights, Adam tossed me the diaper bag to hold.

"Is my cell phone still in here?" I wondered aloud, unzipping the front pouch. Before Adam could stop me, I saw it: a polished wooden ring box. I looked up, slack-jawed.

"Is this what I think it is?"

A grin spread across his face as he shifted Ava in his arms.

"Well, you weren't supposed to open it, but since you did..." he droped to one knee, balancing Ava on his bent leg. "Lauren, I love you more than anything. I love Ava. I love our little family, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry us? Me and Ava?"

Tears streamed down both of our faces as Ava stared, perplexed by the eyes behind them.

"Yes!" I cried, jumping into his arms. The ring above was slid onto my finger, and let me tell you, pictures don't do it justice. He did good. Real good.

To answer some of the questions I've heard thus far, YES! I'm excited and happy and blown away! No, we don't have a date yet (I'm still remembering how to breathe). More information to follow, but WOW, what a day!

Ava wanted to say hi

Amy Grant comes to mind

Agh. Things have been... hectic. We recently held auditions for AFA slots (by recently, I mean today). I'm trying to keep up in classes/figure out my future, and Ava is so much more mobile these days... I'm exhausted. In a good way.

First, AFA auditions (quick fill-in if you're confused: I do speech and debate, or competitive public speaking, and AFA is a national chamionship tournament where you can only send 66 entries. Our team has a lot more than that, so it's super competitive to get those slots). I did not get the event I auditioned (Poetry), but I did get Prose, Impromptu, Extemp, Persuasion, and Crit (translation: that's good). I'm very excited, not only for what I get to do, but to be on a team as competitive, but loving, as this one! *singing off key* We are family...

*Resuming not singing.* Ok, so my life... I recently had decided to move back to Chicago. The decision was not an easy one, and I still want to go to graduate school, but financially, it just makes a lot more sense to go ahead and move near family who can help iwth the whole daycare component. However, just as we were settling into this idea, I get a job offer. I won't go into specifics, but the important part is that it would have given me a great amount of control over my work, a lot of opportunities to coach and travel, and a fantastic resume builder. As cool as that would have been, I think I'm going to have to turn around. We just really need to pay off those student loans before I go off being self-indulgent. Sigh.

Ava! Oh Ava. She is truly the bright spot in all of this madness. She's sooo strong. She sits up all by herself these days, and her favorite activity is knocking down towers of blocks that Mommy builds up for her. She is teething in a big way, but no pearly whites have popped through yet. Her favorite foods are bananas, peaches, pears, applesauce, carrots and sweetpotatoes. She's recently tried an apple/chicken blend, and found that appetizing as well. However, her favorite things to munch on are often the things she shouldn't. This makes me very nervous for our family trip to Mexico this summer. The sand on the beaches won't know what's hit 'em... In the meantime, I give her biter biscuits to gnaw on. It's a mess, but it's a quiet mess, and that's what Mommy needs these days.

I SWEAR I'll have pictures up soon. I'm remembering how to breathe at the moment. Once I've mastered that, I'll move on to photography. Speak of the devil... Ava hollers. Ta ta!

Doctor, doctor, gimme the news...

So, the good news: Ava's good. She has a severe cold which has led to runoff that gives her a sore throat, impacting her appetite. Now she's just sucking down the grape flavored Pedialyte and small bottles. She's in a surprisingly good mood with those sniffles. Even the doctor said, "She can't be that sick; look at that smile!" Way to make Mommy look like a liar, baby girl.

Still, there was some bad news. While Ava bug will be just fine, I'm on antibiotics and decongestants with severe sinus and right ear infections. Yay!!! Blech. I feel like crap, and am gearing up for a tremendously hectic week. Between missed classes, classes that haven't registered yet, and impending AFA auditions (gulp), I'm more than a little stressed. Hopefully I can get back on my feet before permanent damage is done.

YAY! and nay...

Woo Woo! KF-YAY! Well, it's over and done with, and the results were exciting. The team won by... well, a lot. I won Pentath and am now the Kentucky State champ in extemp :)

That's all the good news I have for today. Why? Because Ava and I are both miserable. We both have terrible colds with the worst runny noses and hacking coughs. She's off to the doctor tomorrow afternoon if she isn't any better in the morning. For those of you who have never had to operate a nose squeegee... you have no idea...

Ok, back to nursing my own pathetic self. Sigh.

Smile Pretty!

Last night, leaving Walmart, Ava let out an exuberant squeal just as we hit he exit. Her eyes were fixated on something, and as I turned, I realized that she was staring at a sign at the portrait studio, where one could get 30 portraits for $5.99 until Saturday. I thought to myself, "Wow, I really do have a genius infant. She thinks of everything!"

Ok, so maybe she was staring at the shiny balloons, but I still thought it was a good idea to get her 6 month old self commemorated in a too cute for words portrait, so I got to work. I dressed her in this adorable denim jumper with pink and yellow detailing and matching bloomers with a long sleeved white onesie and white tights. I pulled her crazy hair into a a waterfall pony tail on the top of her head and, voila, instant adorable!

When we got to the portrait center, we had to wait a little bit to get in, but that was ok by Ava bug! She just waved and talked to anyone who passed by, flirting with the guys and squealing and laughing with the girls. When it was finally our turn, I was just hoping she had some smiles left! And did she ever...

So the deal with the $5.99 package was that you could only pick one pose. It was 30 pictures of various sizes, but only one pose. Originally, I figured that was fine, but lemme tell ya... this kid is SO photogenic... I had the hardest time picking one! In fact, I was so conflicted, I did buy an extra sheet for ten dollars (I know, I'm such a sucker). They'll get in on March 6th, and I can't wait! I'll scant them in and post them so all of you can see :)

Well, I'm off to KFA tomorrow. Wish me luck!

What's Up

I have decided that my home is the place that energy goes to die. I go up to the office, and I'm feeling great, I'm on a buzz, I'm ready to work. I come home, and suddenly, I'm more sleepy than Ava is when we go for a drive. All of my best intentions fall to the wayside. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that my home will never be pristine. It will be clean and sanitary, but flawless? No. Sigh.

In other news, preparation for KF-Yay was stepped up today. KFA is the Kentucky State Championship for speech and debate. It's a good time, but it's a different type of competition than we're used to seeing, and will certainly require a lot of adapting from our debaters. I have faith in them though. Different doesn't mean bad- just different.

Grandma Nelson is in the hospital right now (mine, not Ava's). She was admitted several days ago, but I don't think I'm really... dealing with it right now. The timing is just so similar to Grandma Schmitt last year, and I don't think I could deal with it if... ok, no, not thinking about it... but you get the point. It's congestive heart failure, which sounds a lot worse than it is, but she also has blood clots in her lungs. She hasn't taken very good care of herself, and I worry so much about her :( There's not much I can do but pray and stay busy.

Next Wednesday is Ash Wednesday. Now, those of you who know me know I'm not very religious. I have my beliefs, but I'm just not very public or loud about them. I had an unpleasant taste in my mouth over the Catholic Church post-confirmation, and still have my misgivings about some Church doctrine, but I think I will probably attend mass with Ava. Though Adam and I will probably have to talk about it some more, and despite my wariness of catechism classes, I am leaning towards enrolling Ava when she comes of age. What she believes will fall to her, but at the very least, an education in Christianity, and in particular, the Bible, holds immeasurable academic value (how many biblical allusions did YOU discuss in your school years?).

But I digress. With Ash Wednesday comes Lent, and with Lent, a sacrifice. I've been mullling over what I might want to give up. I'm still contemplating. I'm leaning towards soda, but it is so cliche. I'm also considering giving up Facebook, but I don't know if I could do it. We'll have to wait and see. I do have a few more days to decide.

As a side note, I am SOOO excited that I am not going to be travelling for Ava's first Easter! I was never huge on Easter as a holiday, but little girl dresses with frills and tights and shiny shoes and bonnets.... I cannot WAIT! It will be tremendously adorable. Adam's not a big Easter guy either, but I will twist his arm into participating. He'll thank me for it later :)

Ok, that's all for now. Much love folks!

Update

Wow. I feel as though someone is pressing the fast forward button on my life. Not the, "fast-forward-so-fast-I-don't-know-what-happened" but like the "2x-fast-forward-so-I-barely-keep-up." Now, usually, I would reference how stressed I am over it, and to be fair, there is stress, but by and large, I'm happy. Part of that may have to do with decisions being made, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

First, I'm finally kicking my own butt. I haven't missed a day of exercise in the past seven, and I couldn't be more proud of myself. Sure, my measly handful of pounds seems like small potatoes when I tune into Biggest Loser every week, but then I remember that I have a kid I'm taking care, class to go to, work to do, a house to keep, and the need to sleep sometime during the day. I don't have a 24 hour gym, trainer, and specially cooked meals at my disposal. So, given 5 lb weights, a basic exercise routine in my living room, free online cardio tapes, generic slimfast and Smart One meals... I think I'm doing just fine :) Not that I'm totally satisfied yet. I have a long way to go, but I feel like I can do it. I'm the little engine that could...

On top of that, I'm taking better care of myself overall. I think part of my low morale is that I didn't feel like myself. So, I took charge. It started with Adam encouraging me to go get a pedicure on Valentines day. I think he may have gotten more than he bargained for. I got a pedicure, my hair cut, all over blonde highlights, and used some sunless tanner when I got home. Now, granted, I probably should have paused to remember the proper technique for applying said sunless tanner, but blotches aside, I feel a lot more like my old self. When I told my mom this, she asked, "What's wrong with the new you?" It took me a second to verbalize it, but I realized: it was confidence. I wasn't confident in my outward appearance, and it was killing my self-esteem, slowing me down. Like I said, I'm not quite where I want to be, but I'll be damned if I don't get there. I won't completely abandon my faithful sweatpants and sloppy buns, but you will all be seeing a more polished version 80% of the time (ok, maybe 75).

Plus, I feel like things are getting sorted out. Though nothing has been absolutely set in stone yet, plans have been sketched, the paper thrown away, and the chisel is poised and ready for action. It looks as though we may be moving to Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I really, really want to go to grad school, and WILL get my Ph.D. one day (hopefully before 30), but any stipend isn't really going to be enough right now.

In addition, being closer to my family means we don't have to worry about daycare. I am blessed to have the majority of my immediate family within a 20 mile radius, and a fair amount of them with flexible schedules. While part of me wishes we could get Adam back to Houston, because I know how much he misses his family, I just am not comfortable with putting Ava in daycare when she's so young (too many horror stories). This may not be permanent, but it will be a good starting place for us.

Jobs have not been settled yet, since the tenative decision has been recently made. However, it's likely that Adam will try to stay with his current job. He's going to try to enter a management training program in early spring here, and then transfer into a Chicago location. I have a few options I'm considering, but nothing concrete. We'll likely move in with my parents in the very beginning, just until we save up enough for the security deposit on a place of our own (even the suburbs are expensive!).

I realized today that there are SEVEN WEEKS UNTIL AFA!!! Phew, that was a kick in the pants. The minute the revelation hit, energy began coursing through my body. I am READY for this. I don't even know what, if anything, I'm taking yet, but the team component has my adrenaline going. I have never been part of such an amazing group of people, and I am so proud and humbled to be a part of this team. This is my last of eight years of competition, and I want to go out with a bang. Ready or not, here I come...

Finally, I'm about to graduate. I had kind of taken this fact for granted coming in to college, and truthfully, even up until recently. But the kind words of a few in the past couple of days have made me reflect on how crazy it is that I'm graduating on time with a six month old.

Speaking of Ava, WOW. She's HUGE! I mean, in Ava terms. She's 16 lbs, 26 inches. Compared to some other chillens I know, that's tiny, but compared to the tiny little fairy we brought home from the hospital, she's a giant. Her smile is contaigous, her laughter, infectious, and her sense of wonder, inspiring. I am beginning to realize that my daughter will be the greatest teacher of my life.

Ok, so that's the update. Part of my hope for the next few months is to update this blog regularly. I know I've promised it in past, so I won't promise again, but perchance we can get some pictures of Miss Ava Veronica on here sometimes soon.

Much love to all!

Crunching the Numbers

Man oh man. I'm exhausted. Not like, I'm about to fall asleep exhausted, but mentally drained. I sometimes feel like this 21 year old juggling act is finally taking a toll on my stamina. I'm currently researching graduate programs, attempting to pay down some debt, trying to keep the house clean, keeping up with baby, preparing for the big districts tournament and hoping I don't lose my mind.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm big on plans. Unfortunately, I feel as though someone has stolen my pen and notepad and tied my hands behind my back. There are too many variables in this equation for me to start planning anything, and it is more depressing than you know. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to put the whole grad school thing on hold and open up a daycare center from my home. I mean, that way Adam could work where ever, and we wouldn't have to find someone to stay with Ava... Agh.

Honestly, I think it's just a control thing with me. I haven't felt very in control for a while now, and anything that would offer me that comfort is appealing right now. Alright, well before I sell my soul for a song, I'm off to bed. Hopefully Ava will cooperate.

Ready... Set... Go!

AVA IS CRAWLING!!! I know, I know, no clever lead in or anything, but sometimes the news is so big that pleasantries seem trite. SHE'S CRAWLING!!! Now, granted, this is my child after all, which means she's doing it in her own style. Leave it to someone from my gene pool to go against the grain...

So we're getting ready for bed, and I admit, I still keep her in the bed with me. (Before the lectures begin, don't worry, we have trained ourselves to not roll anymore, so that's not a problem. And really, if you talk to most of the mothers in your life, they'll tell you they often did the same thing. It's just easier to pop a pacifier into the mouth of the screaming baby next to you than the screaming baby in the other room.) In any case, we're trying to get to sleep, but Adam gets kind of baby starved being at work all day so he's kind of messing with her and soon she's gone to the crazy baby land of no return, laughing and kicking around. Well, we turn off all lights, hoping she'll settle down, but of course she doesn't, and I can feel her wiggling next to me. I feel her roll over (which she's been doing sporadically anyways) and I wait to hear her cry out in frustration.

I wait.

And I wait.

Nothing. Except a lot a movement. So I grab my cellphone from the side of the bed to illuminate the crazed child and... what the heck?!

She is pushing herself up on her knees, and then grounding her face into the bed, propelling herself backwards. At first, I thought that she had just done it that once, but as I watch, she is slowly... awkwardly... squirmily?... inching her way down the bed. I gasped audibly and hit Adam. He rolled over in agitation, shooting me a look of death before staring quizzically at his newly mobile daughter. For about 20 minutes, we sat there moving her to the top of the bed, watching her wiggling sojourn and laughing hysterically. We figured she was probably tired, even if thrilled with herself, after her little workout, so we turned off the lights again and prepared for sleep.

How wrong we were.

Ava, it seems, is built for Marathon movement. She kept wiggling, forcing us to grab her again or face the thud and scream of her falling off the end of the mattress. After quite a while on this merry-go-round, we tried putting her between us and locking legs, providing a wall between her and the drop-off. This made her none-too-pleased. We finally, begrudgingly, put her to rest in her crib. Five minutes of blood curdling screams, and we all drifted into the land of nod.

Since then, she has retired from marathons, though she still wiggles her way towards certain goals (usually the edge of the couch, unfortunately). She is truly the smiley-est baby I've ever encountered. I am so blessed!

Mmmmm.... it's that time of year, isn't it? You know, the time of year when we all make plans and promises we may have the best intentions with but in the end will never follow through on? Sigh. The beginning of a new year. Of course, I'm still in reflective mode, thinking back on the chaos that was 2008. Pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood... for starters. My senior year of college, Adam getting promoted, a new kitty, a new home, a new spark for speech, the decision to try to go to graduate school, my Grandma passing, giving up parli debate, and so much more. It was a wild ride.
2009, on the other hand, promises to be even more tumultous. We've got graduation, graduate school, a real job, moving to a completely new town, Ava turning one, hopefully a wedding, a trip to Cabo with the family in June (if the stars align properly), potentially getting a dog... I mean, it's a lot of dependent variables, and my math skills suck, but it should be fun nonetheless.
So what are my New Years Resolutions? Well, to look fabulous at a wedding in July, for starters. To set a good example for my daughter. To graduate on time. To pay down some debt. To set up a new home. To keep in touch with my family more frequently (and not just immediate members, either). To be more honest with myself and others.
Cheesy? Um, yeah. Blame it on the time of year, I suppose...